does home feel more battleground than place of peaceful harmony?

Turning home from battleground to place of peaceful harmony

raising children with calm serenity

From the What Every Parent Needs to Know set of talks and materials

Does home feel more battleground than place of peaceful harmony? If you want to raise your child with clam serenity, first you need to understand them. And I mean really understand them – not be swayed by what everyone else would have you believe. If you feel like every day is a struggle as the war rages on, ask yourself; Are you picking your battles – or fighting every one? Do you have realistic expectations of your child – or in this moment are you asking too much? And do they really have a battle worth fighting – or is this just a learnt response?

No two children are the same, nor any two days with them. And they certainly don’t come with a personalised user guide.  Despite this, well intentioned advice will be coming at you from every angle, and it can be difficult to know who to turn to for trusted guidance, as you make decisions for your child.  But if learning to raise your child with clam serenity sounds like a positive move, you need to understand what your child needs.  And where can you go to for advice you can trust.

There will be no end of information coming your way, some will even be based on actual research

Everyone it seems is eager to offer parenting suggestions, having you believe anything from comforting a crying baby will have them grow up week and overly dependent. To, you should all sleep in the same bed until school! 

Learning to raise your child with clam serenity takes more than anecdotal advice and family truisms.  Even with thousands of internet sites promising just what you need.  

The truth is, it is your opinions, beliefs and actions that are what really count, regardless of the influences you may be surrounded by. And these will be informed by a mix of all these things, and more. 

With knowledge and understanding of how your child is developing and maturing, begin to trust in your own instincts. 

Observe your child’s actions and behaviours, even in those difficult moments, and trust in your instincts as you develop techniques that work for you and your family.  With some basic understanding of child development, you can learn to avoid the methods that never did quite sit comfortably as you recognise the techniques you do want to follow.

Children face a boggling world of depth and texture, sounds and emotions, relationships and expectations.  An overwhelming prospect in bodies that they are still learning how to manage and that are changing daily.  Especially for your child who is yet to understand or manage their responses effectively. 

Within loving, calm environments, stress levels can be managed and calm serenity can be found.  By demonstrating appropriate responses, your child can learn through their experiences before emotionally charged reactions are seen. That said – it is always a good idea to have a well-considered plan for when things do go beyond the point of no return.

If you want your home to feel less battleground and more place of peaceful harmony, help your child feel safe and secure – even when they feel emotions they cannot manage. 

Sheltered from excessively negative experiences children develop emotional stability.  They learn to experience their emotions without becoming afraid of them or developing negative behaviours as a reaction to them. 

Children are particularly good at letting us know when an experience becomes overwhelming.  Generating a negative level of stress within the body that they will employ any technique they can to get away from.  But easy solutions or raised voices do little to address the underlying issue.  And do little more than reinforce behavioural patterns to be remembered next time.

Negative experiences shut down the thinking part of your child’s brain, leaving them functioning from the more emotionally reactive lower brain.  Combined with your expectations of leaving the house, or sharing a favoured toy, you can then expect emotional fallout.

So, understand your child as you learn how to raise them with calm serenity.  Help them to feel secure in their environment and in their relationships.  And don’t worry about what others are doing and saying – if it doesn’t feel right for you… it probably isn’t!

Dr Kathryn Peckham is an Early Childhood Consultant, author and researcher and the founder of Nurturing Childhoods.  Providing all the knowledge, understanding and support you need to nurture your growing child.


Don’t miss:

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What is the sense of learning – Understanding multisensory learning

How to understand the science behind your child’s emotions